You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bring money and cleavage
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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