Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
