oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
