U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
