What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So many bounce houses so little time
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
