tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize