but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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