haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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