your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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