I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
