How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
