Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize