just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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