I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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