As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
