NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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