everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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