She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
