I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We are two peas in an std pod
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
