I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
