HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
