pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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