you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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