Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
