Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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