I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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