We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
