alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
