I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
