Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
