Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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