ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
