Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
