remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
