____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
