The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
