That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
