I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
