so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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