WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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