I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
