Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
