She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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