Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
