FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
