Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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