I can tuck mytits in my pants
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
