Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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