I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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