I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
