He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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