it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize