y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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