I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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