Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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