THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
