Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
