That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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