Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
