If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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