Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
