I am in a vortex of obligation.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
