okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
